Tag Archives: The Telegraph

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SIDING WITH THE VULTURES

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Johnny Mercer, Tory MP and former soldier, writes in The Telegraph that the Ministry of Defence is “losing its moral compass”. He refers to the reopening of historic allegations of abuse in Iraq by British soldiers brought by disgraced lawyers such as the unscrupulous Phil Shiner who sought only to line their own pockets.

Everything happens for a reason, but it is hard to understand why the Ministry of Defence would “side with the vultures”. Johnny offers a clue when he states that “we are finally beginning to understand the lengths to which an organisation like the MoD will go to look after itself”

Those who break the law must be held to account, but could it be that the Ministry of Defence is sacrificing the nation’s bravest and best in order to deflect away from complicity at the most senior level into illegal activities such as state sponsored assassinations, kill/capture missions (where the former was the most likely outcome) and detention without trial or access to legal representation?

Sometimes two plus two does equal four.

 

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Guards face cold showers and no heating

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Henry Bodkin reports for The Telegraph that there is no hot water or central heating for the Guardsmen on duty at Buckingham Palace.

It’s all in a day’s work for the Queen’s guard and they routinely put up with much worse but it’s symptomatic of the state of disrepair and neglect that is undermining our Armed Forces.

I WAS WOKEN by the alarm on my smart phone which told me it was 6am. The touch screen briefly illuminated my surroundings before I reflexively stabbed the dismiss button and was once again plunged into darkness. I lay on my back, disoriented by sleep, momentarily uncertain of my surroundings. It was bitterly cold and as my eyes grew accustomed to the gloom I could see my breath condensing above me. I was tempted to roll over and go back to sleep when an enormous bald head came into view. The enormous head was attached to an enormous neck which in turn was attached to an enormous torso and two enormous, heavily tattooed arms. The head spoke, revealing enormous tombstone teeth:

“Sir, you snore like a fucking bastard. If it wasn’t so fucking cold last night I would’ve got up and fucking strangled you.”

I didn’t doubt him for a moment. The man mountain was Glenn Haughton, the Regimental Sergeant Major of the First Battalion Grenadier Guards. Glenn appeared part human part beast, caught in a perpetual semi‑transformative state between Dr Bruce Banner and The Incredible Hulk, at the point where his clothes no longer fit his outsize body but just before his skin turns green. I’d first met Glenn in Canada the year before and I knew he had a temper to match. Don’t make me angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry. I was prepared to go to enormous lengths to avoid antagonising the big man and made a mental note to find alternative lodgings as soon as possible.

It was December 2011. I had driven up from London in freezing fog the night before to the Stanford Training Area in Thetford to join the Grenadiers for the last phase of their collective training. This would be the final OPTAG assessment before the headquarters team, of which I was a part, would deploy to Afghanistan in January 2012. It would also be my first opportunity to meet the new Commanding Officer, Lieutenant Colonel James Maurice Hannan Bowder, MBE.

 

It was gone midnight when I reported to the guardroom at Wretham Camp. From there I was driven to Smokers Hole FOB, a purpose built Forward Operating Base on the training area which housed the battalion operations room and would be my home for the next few days. I was shown to a large tent, already occupied by a dozen or so somnolent figures, and invited to make myself comfortable. Inside the tent it was well below freezing and pitch black. With encouragement from some of the anonymous figures in the dark to shut the fuck up, I did my best to silently extract my sleeping bag from my bergan and find a space to get my head down.

After my encounter with the Sarn’t Major the following morning, sleep was beyond me and so I quickly pulled on my combat trousers and Helly Hanson fleece top in an attempt to conserve body heat. As I fumbled with the laces of my boots with fingers numbed by cold I noted that since my last outing with them the Grenadiers had been issued the new multi‑terrain pattern (MTP) uniforms which were now being worn in Afghanistan. I would not be issued with the new clothing, which was a much lighter shade of green than my own, for another couple of weeks. In the meantime I was going to stand out like a sore thumb, further highlighting my reserve status amongst these full‑time soldiers.

Wash and shave kit in hand I went in search of the Puffing Billy, otherwise known as the M67 Army Liquid Fuel Immersion Heater. This is a genius piece of kit, originally of US design, dating back to 1943. Nicknamed the ‘Kitchen Mortar’ by US troops it consists of an old metal dustbin filled with water to which is clamped a diesel fired drip fed immersion heater with an enormous chimney. The Puffing Billy can produce a good quantity of hot water suitable for washing and shaving purposes, albeit with a greasy slick of diesel on the surface, but it takes a brave man to light one.

The preferred method being to throw a lighted match down the chimney and run like hell.

Sadly there was to be no hot water that morning. Not because there was no man brave enough to throw the match amongst these battle hardened soldiers but because it was so cold the diesel had started to wax and would not flow. I resigned myself to a cold shave and wandered over to a bowser where a man was breaking the ice on its surface to get to the water below. We both collected a bowl of frigid water and shared a wooden trestle table to wash and shave in silence. The ground on which we stood was still white with frost but this did not deter my companion from stripping to the waist to complete his ablutions. I felt no desire to follow his example. Keeping my Helly Hanson zipped to the neck, my own administrations were far less thorough. It was only when the stranger beside me pulled on his shirt that I noticed the distinctive Crown and Bath Star rank slide that denoted his status as the Commanding Officer.

It was my new boss.

SPIN ZHIRA: Old Man in Helmand is the unauthorised, unvarnished and irreverent story of one man’s midlife crisis on the front line of the most dangerous district in Afghanistan where the locals haven’t forgiven the British for the occupation of 1842 or for the Russian Invasion of 1979. Of course, all infidels look the same so you can’t really tell them apart.

‘The best book by a soldier concerning the Afghan War that I have read’
Frank Ledwidge, bestselling author of Losing Small Wars and Investment in Blood

‘SPIN ZHIRA vividly conveys the disjointed essence of modern warfare and the impossibility of balancing the adrenaline of combat with ‘normal’ life. This book brims with authenticity and dark humour.’
Patrick Hennessey, bestselling author of The Junior Officers’ Reading Club and Kandak

‘If you want to read about political and military success in Afghanistan, this book isn’t for you. If you want a fresh perspective from someone who is not a career officer and who is brave enough to bare his soul, then SPIN ZHIRA is a must read.’
Lt Col Richard Dorney, bestselling author of The Killing Zoneand An Active Service

‘Five stars’
SOLDIER The official magazine of the British Army

‘A journey of love, service and adventure. Excellent.’
Amazon Customer

Ten reasons why you should read SPIN ZHIRA.

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Defending the innocence of children

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Over the weekend we learned from The Spectator that over 6,000 new cases of female genital mutilation (FGM) were reported by NHS staff last year (tens of thousands more are thought to go unreported). Despite being illegal in the UK since 1985, despite the appalling scale of the abuse, there has not been a single conviction for this terrible betrayal of a child’s love and trust in her parents.

Meanwhile the broadsheets, led by The Telegraph, report that Michael Fallon, the Defence Secretary barely suppresses his anger when he talks about criminal investigations into alleged abuse in Iraq and Afghanistan by British troops. He has pledged to provide legal support to servicemen under investigation, but omits the rather obvious point that it is his ministry which funds these enquiries with taxpayers money (expected to exceed £57m by 2019).

Not a single case has been brought to trial much less resulted in a conviction but instead of shutting it down Mr Fallon hides behind European Human Rights laws and extends the remit of the investigation. Meanwhile, not a single one of our European partners in NATO feels the need to hold enquiries of similar scale into the actions of its military in Iraq and Afghanistan. Mr Fallon’s failure to act decisively is another example of what David Cameron described elsewhere in the news as his ‘lily livered cabinet colleagues’  failing to confront their ministerial responsibilities.

But I have a radical idea. Why not divert the funds and the investigators talents to an issue where a terrible injustice is being perpetrated against children, where there is irrefutable evidence of abuse and where an investigation is urgently needed to eradicate the illegal practice of female genital mutilation. Even Mr Fallon can agree that defending the innocence of children is a better use of resources.

SPIN ZHIRA: Old Man in Helmand is the unauthorised, unvarnished and irreverent story of one man’s midlife crisis on the front line of the most dangerous district in Afghanistan where the locals haven’t forgiven the British for the occupation of 1842 or for the Russian Invasion of 1979. Of course, all infidels look the same so you can’t really tell them apart.

Amazon Five Stars A JOURNEY OF LOVE, SERVICE AND ADVENTURE. EXCELLENT!

Amazon Five Stars A MODERN WARFARE LITERARY CLASSIC! OUTSTANDING READ.

Amazon Five Stars ENTERTAINING, THOUGHT-PROVOKING AND COMPULSORY TO READ.

What others are saying about SPIN ZHIRA 

 

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Afghan veterans face war crime claims

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The Telegraph reports that the Ministry of Defence has extended the remit of the Iraq Historic Allegations Team (IHAT) to include investigation into alleged abuse in Afghanistan.

In addition to the 1,500 Iraqi cases already under investigation a further 550 alleged Afghan war crimes have been added to the IHAT caseload.

As Johnny Mercer MP has already pointed out this implies a ‘total breakdown of law and order on an unprecedented scale across the British Army’, which is a complete fantasy.

As Iraq cases begin to dry up without a single successful conviction, extending the investigation to Afghanistan preserves the gravy train for the IHAT investigators for a few more years. But I sense a darker motive for squandering taxpayers money and causing unnecessary misery for those individuals and their families who have been accused of wrongdoing.

Investigating individual allegations of abuse deflects the spotlight away from the strategic failure of the Iraq and Afghan campaigns. This sits squarely with the policy makers and doctrine writers at the Ministry of Defence and the Foreign Office who sanctioned the tactics of drone strikes, kill/capture missions and detention without charge or access to legal representation, sometimes on the flimsiest of evidence.

For the most part, British soldiers carried themselves with great dignity and showed incredible courage and restraint. It is the flawed counter-insurgency doctrine and strategy that has thrown the Middle East into chaos and caused untold misery and suffering that needs to be investigated.

SPIN ZHIRA: Old Man in Helmand is the unauthorised, unvarnished and irreverent story of one man’s midlife crisis on the front line of the most dangerous district in Afghanistan where the locals haven’t forgiven the British for the occupation of 1842 or for the Russian Invasion of 1979. Of course, all infidels look the same so you can’t really tell them apart.

Amazon Five Stars A JOURNEY OF LOVE, SERVICE AND ADVENTURE. EXCELLENT!

Amazon Five Stars A MODERN WARFARE LITERARY CLASSIC! OUTSTANDING READ.

Amazon Five Stars ENTERTAINING, THOUGHT-PROVOKING AND COMPULSORY TO READ.

What others are saying about SPIN ZHIRA 

 

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What a Muppet

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Animal
Writing in The Telegraph, former SAS officer, Colonel Tim Collins OBE warns that the  Army must reshape after Chilcot.

Colonel Collins is best know to the public for his eve of battle speech to the Royal Irish Regiment prior to the Iraq invasion. For obvious reasons it is perhaps less well known that he is also a former ‘Tier One’ Special Forces soldier and counterinsurgency specialist. As the name suggests, Tier One are Britain’s most elite troops so it’s reasonable to assume that Colonel Collins knows what he’s talking about. And on the face of it he does. The army must reshape after Chilcot. That much is clear.

It is of intense frustration to me and many others that lessons were not learned in Iraq and subsequently applied in Afghanistan, particularly with regard to counterinsurgency doctrine. Despite good intentions, both countries are now significantly worse off following Western military intervention.

Chilcot should now be the catalyst for change, or in Colonel Collins words, ‘we need to know if it was incompetence or obsequiousness that led to these blunders, and move to crush whatever caused them.’ We already knew that Colonel Collins was a straight talker.

I want to agree with Colonel Collins, I really do. After all, he is a former Tier One Special Forces soldier, a steely-eyed flat bellied killer. I’m a former wheezy part-timer. It’s not going to go well for me if we get into a fist fight. But Colonel Collins is a muppet. There I said it.

He identifies ‘intervention operations’ as the most likely future scenario for which our military should train. In other words, precisely the same kind of campaigns conducted in Iraq and Afghanistan which have so humiliated the British military. So far so good. But rather than addressing the issue of our woeful counterinsurgency strategy, the strategy that has radicalized Muslims across the globe and is the direct cause of so much chaos and suffering in the country’s we have now largely abandoned, we are treated to a barely coherent rant.

Allowing women to serve in combat roles is a ‘crazy social experiment’ imposed upon the military by ‘failed male politicians with no military knowledge’. The Armies of our European partners in NATO are  ’18-30, Club Med-style organisations with a vaguely military theme’ and so it goes on.

According to Colonel Collins what Britain needs is more infantry ‘capable of operations that were once the preserve of Special Forces and Commandos’. He recommends looking to former Commonwealth countries to make up the current shortfall in recruiting. But this isn’t arguing for change, this is arguing for more of the same.

The  disastrous campaigns in Iraq and Afghanistan were characterised by a dramatic expansion and reliance on special forces. We have learned nothing from these campaigns if we do not learn that the tactics of drone strikes, night raids and kill/capture missions undertaken by special forces only weaken the legitimacy of the counterinsurgent and make more insurgents. Politicians and senior officers may have been seduced by the raw courage, bravery and ruthless efficiency of our Tier One troops in Iraq and Afghanistan but, as history now shows, they do more harm than good.

Tactical victories have resulted in strategic failure, not once but twice. Continuing to do the same thing over and over again and expecting something different to happen is seldom a recipe for success.

Colonel Collins isn’t advocating for reform at all. He seeks to perpetuate a flawed doctrine in which he claims expertise but which has only succeeded in plunging the countries we sought to stabilise into further chaos and widen the rift between West and East. As every right minded person must agree, this is precisely not what we ought to do and it’s why Colonel Collins is a muppet. Just don’t tell him I said so.

Purchase your copy of SPIN ZHIRA

SPIN ZHIRA: Old Man in Helmand is the unauthorised, unvarnished and irreverent story of one man’s midlife crisis on the front line of the most dangerous district in Afghanistan where the locals haven’t forgiven the British for the occupation of 1842 or for the Russian Invasion of 1979. Of course, all infidels look the same so you can’t really tell them apart.

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Around the coast in eighty waves.

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Jonathan Bennet

Jonathan Bennett surfed his way through a midlife crisis. Finding himself ‘without a job, without a girlfriend and without a home’ he decided to go surfing.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/authors/jonathan-bennett/

The start and end point of our respective crises seem remarkably similar. I too found myself contemplating a failed relationship and a failing business while dossing down in an empty house. Jonathan’s answer was to buy a clapped out camper van and surf his way round Britain, sleeping by the sea and washing with a sponge and a pan of warm water. I chose instead to relocate to a landlocked country 3,500 miles away to fight the war on terror, also washing with a sponge and a pan of warm water. We have both written books chronicling our crises; Around the Coast in Eighty Waves and SPIN ZHIRA: Old Man in Helmand.

And that’s not all we have in common. Jonathan says “surfing is about launching yourself into the unknown and hoping for the best,” which is not so very different from the British Army’s initial deployment into Helmand Province.

SPIN ZHIRA: Old Man in Helmand is available as an Amazon Kindle e-book

SPIN ZHIRA: Old Man in Helmand is the unauthorised, unvarnished and irreverent story of one man’s midlife crisis on the front line of the most dangerous district in Afghanistan where the locals haven’t forgiven the British for the occupation of 1842 or for the Russian Invasion of 1979. Of course, all infidels look the same so you can’t really tell them apart.

 

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WORKING THE ODDS ON EVEREST

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Everest

Am I the only person who struggles to feel sympathy when someone dies on Everest?

Alex Proud writes from the other side of the argument. He dreads disaster and fears the Reaper. We both like to work the odds but when they drop below one in a 100 he tends to think ‘you’re f—king mad to do whatever it is you’re doing’ while I think things are just beginning to get interesting.

But I don’t have a death wish, far from it. I love life and try to live it to the full. I think our society has got things badly wrong when it comes to death. When a Palace flunky offered Prince Philip his condolences at the loss of a friend he retorted by saying ‘he’s not lost, he’s dead’. It’s an anecdote that illustrates our denial. We cloak death in the language of ‘loss’ or ‘passing’. We dare not speak its name and imagine we will live forever. In the pursuit of this impossible outcome we have sacrificed quality in the pursuit of quantity. We wrap ourselves in health and safety legislation and cling on to life long after there is any joy left in living.

This is not a life I look forward to. I have no desire to be a burden to my children or the State. I do not plan to spend my final years eating mashed potato and watching endless repeats of Eastenders.

I accept that in the pursuit of life I will most likely die ‘before my time’, but what does that mean? In Helmand Province life expectancy is 44 and despite being one of the most violent places on the planet, pregnancy rather than insurgency is the biggest killer. So by Helmandi standards I’ve lived a very good life and I’m already on borrowed time.

When my father died at the age of 79 I didn’t mourn his death, I bought champagne and celebrated his life. I hope my own sons will feel able to do the same. When the Reaper calls, as he inevitably will, I hope he finds me on a snow-covered mountain doing something frowned upon by the health and safety executive.

Alex Proud will not be sympathetic.

SPIN ZHIRA: Old Man in Helmand is available as an Amazon Kindle e-book

SPIN ZHIRA: Old Man in Helmand is the unauthorised, unvarnished and irreverent story of one man’s midlife crisis on the front line of the most dangerous district in Afghanistan where the locals haven’t forgiven the British for the occupation of 1842 or for the Russian Invasion of 1979. Of course, all infidels look the same so you can’t really tell them apart.

 

 

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Book Swap

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Gurkhas

10 things no one tells you before you join the Gurkhas

Johnny Fenn, former Gurkha Officer turned professional photographer has written an article for The Telegraph. He also has a new book out – Life and Light in the Middle Hills – and we’ve agreed to do a book swap.

I think I may be ahead in this particular barter deal.

SPIN ZHIRA: Old Man in Helmand is available as an Amazon Kindle e-book

SPIN ZHIRA: Old Man in Helmand is the unauthorised, unvarnished and irreverent story of one man’s midlife crisis on the front line of the most dangerous district in Afghanistan where the locals haven’t forgiven the British for the occupation of 1842 or for the Russian Invasion of 1979. Of course, all infidels look the same so you can’t really tell them apart.

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Lawyers to be prosecuted over Iraq abuse claims

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Lawyers to be prosecuted over Iraq abuse claims

Ben Farmer for The Telegraph reports that Leigh Day, a law firm behind hundreds of claims British soldiers abused Iraqis will be prosecuted for professional misconduct over accusations it failed to hand over evidence and paid improper fees of £75,000 to an Iraqi agent handling alleged victims.

On their website Leigh Day claim to be unlike other law firms: ‘We act exclusively for claimants who’ve been injured or treated unlawfully by others.’ Is there a hidden message in their claims? I think perhaps there is.

We act unlawfully

The charges against Leigh Day date back to 2004. They may take some comfort in knowing that perhaps they inspired others to jump on the Angrezi gravy train.

“I WAS ALONE in the J9 cell when the secure telephone I shared with the other dozen or so occupants starting ringing. As soon as I picked up a guttural voice announced without preamble: Iz Man at Gate.

It was a member or the Bosnian Guard Force informing me that we had a walk‑in visitor at the front gate. This was a reasonably frequent occurrence and in most cases would be a local national come to make representation to ISAF on some matter, most commonly to seek compensation for damage to property. It was well known that ISAF would reimburse citizens for any damage to crops, property or livestock for which it was responsible. In the early days of the Afghan campaign commanders would carry a quantity of hard currency with them on operations and pay out according to their own individual assessment.

Carrying large amounts of cash on the battlefield presents some obvious problems and as the campaign wore on the British professionalised their approach to the payment of compensation. Instead of cash, commanders began carrying claims forms which they passed to locals for presentation at any of the main British bases where the Military Stabilisation and Support Group (MSSG) would assess their claim and pay, where appropriate, at a predetermined but still generous rate.

Naturally the Afghans stepped up their game in response, and enterprising individuals, much like ambulance chasing law firms in the West, could be hired in the Gereshk bazaar to help citizens with their claims. These ‘consultants’ provided a range of services, including basic help with the filling out of forms, the taking of digital photos to help support claims and even representation at the weekly ‘Compensation Clinics’ run by the MSSG.

Like everyone else in theatre the MSSG assessors rotated every six months or so. This created an opportunity for those less fortunate citizens who lacked a genuine claim for compensation to jump on the Angrezi gravy train. Some less scrupulous consultants offered for sale in the bazaar photographs from historic cases which could be resubmitted in support of a fresh claim to a new assessor. I’m sure these claims consultants were obliged by their regulatory body to advise their clients that past performance was no guarantee of future success. I’m also sure that they demanded from their clients a premium for this particular service, while implying the near certainty of a payout. But this was not always the result. A number of the MSSG operators I spoke to, while grudgingly admiring this Afghan enterprise, routinely rejected claims from multiple different claimants that relied on identical photographs as supporting evidence.

I was not authorised to assess claims. If the visitor was seeking compensation there was little I could do for him other than advise him to attend a compensation clinic. However, since I was alone in the J9 cell, it fell to me to see what he wanted. The balance of probabilities suggested that this particular visitor was unlikely to be a suicide bomber, or a Taliban assassin, but I laboriously donned my body armour and checked chamber on my Sig 9mm pistol just in case.”

If Leigh Day are found to have acted unlawfully I trust they will receive a fine that is proportionate to the £30m cost of the public enquiry.

SPIN ZHIRA: Old Man in Helmand is available as an Amazon Kindle e-book

SPIN ZHIRA: Old Man in Helmand is the unauthorised, unvarnished and irreverent story of one man’s midlife crisis on the front line of the most dangerous district in Afghanistan where the locals haven’t forgiven the British for the occupation of 1842 or for the Russian Invasion of 1979. Of course, all infidels look the same so you can’t really tell them apart.

Spin Zhira, Uncategorized

JOHNNY TELLS IT LIKE IT IS

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Invictus Games opening ceremony

Some Westminster insiders want me to shut up about veterans’ care. Here’s why I won’t

In the wake of the Invictus Games, Johnny Mercer MP stands up for injured veterans in his article for The Telegraph saying: ‘We know we owe you for the sacrifices you made in defence of the freedoms that we enjoy. We have a duty to you. Come forward; don’t suffer in silence. You gave the best years of your life in Service to this great Nation, in the proud traditions of your forebears.’

I could not agree more, but there’s a very good reason why veterans need a champion like Johnny and why other government ministers are urging him to drop the issue:

“Just like everyone else in the battlegroup, I hoped for the best and planned for the worst. In view of the very real and obvious dangers inherent in dismounted close combat I took out life insurance with the MoD’s approved provider. I wasn’t entirely certain if I was insuring myself against the risks of death or injury in the service of my country, or against the inadequacies of the long‑term care I would receive from the State in this second eventuality.

After more than ten years of conflict and a willingness by successive British governments to commit soldiers to combat, it is still a shameful reality that soldiers wounded in the service of their country are not adequately cared for by the State. They must rely instead on the generosity of the public through charities such as Help for Heroes to provide not only resources for their immediate rehabilitation as they recover from their injuries, but also for the long‑term care that many will need throughout the rest of their lives.

It was most unedifying to learn of the personal greed of our political masters in the Parliamentary expenses scandal that engulfed British politics in 2009–10. At this time, according to official statistics released by the MoD, eight British soldiers a month were dying in Afghanistan. A further 13 were very seriously wounded, sustaining injuries that would change the course of the rest of their lives. It is notable that our political leaders at almost every level of governance will show public support for the men and women of the Armed Services – yet still drag their heels when it comes to ensuring that those who make the ultimate sacrifice receive adequate financial support from a grateful country.”

Johnny concludes: ‘Should we have done more as a Government in this sector [veterans’ care] to facilitate it and “guarantee it” over the years? Undoubtedly yes. Are we getting better? Is this PM committed to it? Yes.’

I hope you’re right Johnny but don’t stop raising the issue at PMQs.

SPIN ZHIRA: Old Man in Helmand is available as an Amazon Kindle e-book

SPIN ZHIRA: Old Man in Helmand is the unauthorised, unvarnished and irreverent story of one man’s midlife crisis on the front line of the most dangerous district in Afghanistan where the locals haven’t forgiven the British for the occupation of 1842 or for the Russian Invasion of 1979. Of course, all infidels look the same so you can’t really tell them apart.