Tag Archives: ISIS

Spin Zhira

Khalid Kelly and me.

Leave a comment

ISIS have reported the death of suicide bomber, Abu Osama Irelandi in an attack outside Mosul in which he was the only casualty.

Abu, also know as Taliban Terry or Khalid Kelly was born in 1967, Terence Edward Kelly and grew up in Dublin before moving to London to train as an intensive care nurse. Attracted by the tax free salary, Kelly then took a nursing job in Saudi Arabia. Not long afterwards he began supplementing his nursing income as a bootlegger. ‘I got really good at making drink. I had three stills in my house.’ He was subsequently arrested in Saudi Arabia in 2000 ‘with five cases of Johnny Walker in the back of my car’. He converted to Islam while incarcerated in a Saudi jail and was deported back to the UK in 2002, where he briefly got a job at St Thomas’s Hospital, London.

Without alcohol, Kelly’s life appears to have unraveled quickly. In 2008 he was declared a fugitive and fled the UK. In 2009 he was interviewed in Pakistan stating: ‘Next week, inshallah, I could be in Afghanistan fighting a British soldier.’ In May 2011 he returned to Ireland and was arrested after threatening to assassinate Barack Obama. In 2013 he moved to Ardagh, Co Longford where locals reported that ‘he never came into the pub’. At some point in late 2015, Kelly made a last fateful trip to Iraq.

To my surprise, I find that Kelly and I had much in common. We both have family, a wife from whom we are separated and two children. If Terry’s last photo is anything to go by, we’re both getting a bit too old for combat and we’re both proud to call ourselves London Irish. Thankfully, the comparison ends there.

SPIN ZHIRA: Old Man in Helmand is the unauthorised, unvarnished and irreverent story of one man’s midlife crisis on the front line of the most dangerous district in Afghanistan where the locals haven’t forgiven the British for the occupation of 1842 or for the Russian Invasion of 1979. Of course, all infidels look the same so you can’t really tell them apart.

Amazon Five Stars A JOURNEY OF LOVE, SERVICE AND ADVENTURE. EXCELLENT!

Amazon Five Stars A MODERN WARFARE LITERARY CLASSIC! OUTSTANDING READ.

Amazon Five Stars ENTERTAINING, THOUGHT-PROVOKING AND COMPULSORY TO READ.

Ten reasons why you should read SPIN ZHIRA.

Spin Zhira, Uncategorized

Defence Chiefs accused of giving ISIS a ‘hit list’.

Leave a comment

Following this morning’s news in The Times that the MoD, in its infinite wisdom, has published the details of every regular officer, reservist officer and university trainee on a government website, the Daily Mail have now picked up the story. My poor ex-father-in-law will be choking over his dinner:

‘I took out my patrol camera and started photographing anything I thought might be useful for the report I would be writing on my return. I’d got into the practice of doing this early on in the tour and had found it to be invaluable. Engrossed in this task I turned the corner of the compound and almost walked into Haji Jalander, the old Mujahideen I’d interviewed back in MOB Price. Somehow he’d slipped through the Danish cordon unnoticed.

Although I knew Haji was from Zumbalay it hadn’t occurred to me that I might meet him here. But my surprise was nothing compared to his. The last time we’d met I was pretty sure Haji was up for killing me. I certainly wouldn’t have been the first khareji he’d put to death, but once again I had the advantage on him. I was armed with more than just a camera, while he had only his trusty radiator key on its slender brass chain.

Finding my wits I wished him ‘As‑salaam Alaykoum’, to which he instinctively replied before he could check himself, ‘Alaykoum As‑salaam’. Pleasantries over we stood and stared at each other for a few moments before we were joined by one of the Tiger Team lads who spoke a little English.

I waited patiently while they spoke rapid‑fire Pashtu. It was clear the Tiger was getting the full backstory on how Haji and I came to be acquainted. Haji went on at length and the more he spoke the more the fierce old Muj was winding himself up. I was reminded of my soon‑to‑be‑ex father‑in‑law who had a similar capacity to raise his own blood pressure to dangerous levels simply by reading The Daily Mail.

Eventually Haji ran out of steam and the Tiger turned to me and skilfully translated his lengthy diatribe into four words: ‘You know this man?’

I acknowledged that I did and asked him to enquire after Haji’s son‑in‑law. Had he returned? This was obviously a mistake as it set Haji off on another long stream of uninterrupted invective.

The young Afghan soldier was clearly a master of the paraphrase. Laughing a little too nervously for my liking, he translated this last tirade:

‘He says you will die here today, the Taliban will not let you leave alive.’

SPIN ZHIRA: Old Man in Helmand is the unauthorised, unvarnished and irreverent story of one man’s midlife crisis on the front line of the most dangerous district in Afghanistan where the locals haven’t forgiven the British for the occupation of 1842 or for the Russian Invasion of 1979. Of course, all infidels look the same so you can’t really tell them apart.

 

Spin Zhira

ISIS GIVEN HITLIST

1 Comment

Deborah Haynes reveals in The Times today that the MoD, in its infinite wisdom, has published the details of every regular officer, reservist officer and university trainee on a government website.

I first met Deborah in Camp Bastion in 2012 when my unauthorised and unmonitored conversation with her caused the army media team who were handling her visit to get into a flap that I may have said something ‘off-message’.

When she called yesterday to ask me how I felt about the MoD’s public disclosure of my name, along with 20,000 others, I was a little taken aback. I assured her she must be mistaken. After the murder of Lee Rigby in 2013, servicemen have been repeatedly warned about the dangers of revealing their military service on social media and are cautioned against wearing their uniforms in public. Following this guidance and the very real risk of being targeted by Islamic terrorists, the MoD would never be so cavalier with our personal security.

I should have known better. This is, after all, the same ministry that continued to issue Lariam to troops long after the manufacturer had warned of the mental health risks associated with the drug. The same ministry that awarded Sir Bernard Grey a £45,000 bonus after he ran up an £23,000 expenses bill. And the same ministry that has paid £440 million in a failed recruitment drive.

Our names were published without our consent following a freedom of information request submitted, presumably, by Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi or one of his flunkies. Now that Deborah has exposed the blunder it’s comforting to know that the MoD has no plans to remove the list, insisting that ‘the security of our people is our foremost concern’.

SPIN ZHIRA: Old Man in Helmand is the unauthorised, unvarnished and irreverent story of one man’s midlife crisis on the front line of the most dangerous district in Afghanistan where the locals haven’t forgiven the British for the occupation of 1842 or for the Russian Invasion of 1979. Of course, all infidels look the same so you can’t really tell them apart.