All posts by chrisdsgreen

She’s making it up (again)

October 3, 2016 chrisdsgreen 1 Comment

Britain has pledged $1 billion in aid to the Afghan government ahead of a major EU conference on Afghanistan in Brussels this week.

In pledging the aid, Priti Patel the Secretary of State for International Development stated:
‘The UK’s presence in Afghanistan over the last decade has helped improve security and prevent it from once again becoming a base of operations for global terrorists that would threaten the streets of Britain. We have improved the lives of Afghans significantly – with millions more children in school, better healthcare, and greater prosperity.’

She’s talking complete nonsense of course. None of the improvements in healthcare, schooling and prosperity that she claims apply to the areas in which British troops were fighting. The UK’s presence in Afghanistan over the last decade has destabilised the entire region, is directly linked to the rise of Islamic State and has significantly increased the likelihood of a terror attack on the streets of Britain.

I shouldn’t be surprised. Only a few months ago she was travelling the streets of Britain with Boris Johnson in a bright red German bus pledging to ‘give our NHS the £350 million the EU takes every week’. A pledge that she and her fellow BREXITeers quietly dropped after the referendum.

Being economical with the truth does, however, make her an excellent choice to head up the Department for International Development (DfID), a department known to produce delusional progress reports in Afghanistan that were hopelessly optimistic and an almost complete work of fiction.

I can see from her ridiculous pronouncement that their new boss is going to fit right in.

SPIN ZHIRA: Old Man in Helmand is the unauthorised, unvarnished and irreverent story of one man’s midlife crisis on the front line of the most dangerous district in Afghanistan where the locals haven’t forgiven the British for the occupation of 1842 or for the Russian Invasion of 1979. Of course, all infidels look the same so you can’t really tell them apart.

A JOURNEY OF LOVE, SERVICE AND ADVENTURE. EXCELLENT!

A MODERN WARFARE LITERARY CLASSIC! OUTSTANDING READ.

ENTERTAINING, THOUGHT-PROVOKING AND COMPULSORY TO READ.

What others are saying about SPIN ZHIRA

Spin Zhira

Grim Reaper gets a makeover

October 1, 2016 chrisdsgreen 1 Comment

The Guardian reports that, according to the United Nations, ‘an international drone’ (which only the US military operate) has killed at least 15 civilians and injured another 13 in the eastern district of Achin, Afghanistan. The US has not admitted any wrongdoing but said the incident was under investigation.

Bilal, 12 recovers in hospital after surviving a US drone strike that killed his father. Photo: Andrew Quilty

Earlier this year, Britain signed a £415 million contract with the Pentagon for 20 new ‘Protector’ drones. Described as a ‘signature counter-terrorism weapon’, drones have proved tactically effective in the fight against IS in Iraq and Syria where the RAF’s Reaper drones have flown hundreds of sorties.

Strategically the increasing reliance on drones is less certain. In 2009, General Stanley McChrystal observed that ‘Destroying a home or property jeopardises the livelihood of an entire family – and creates more insurgents’. Multiply this ten fold or a hundred fold when drones kill innocent civilians.

Although the new drone will carry a greater payload of deadly Hellfire missiles, UK Defence Chiefs decided to drop the name Reaper in favour of Protector in an attempt to change public perceptions that they are unaccountable killing machines.

Try explaining that to the citizens of Achin.

A JOURNEY OF LOVE, SERVICE AND ADVENTURE. EXCELLENT!

A MODERN WARFARE LITERARY CLASSIC! OUTSTANDING READ.

ENTERTAINING, THOUGHT-PROVOKING AND COMPULSORY TO READ.

What others are saying about SPIN ZHIRA

Spin Zhira

Defending the innocence of children

September 26, 2016 chrisdsgreen Leave a comment

Over the weekend we learned from The Spectator that over 6,000 new cases of female genital mutilation (FGM) were reported by NHS staff last year (tens of thousands more are thought to go unreported). Despite being illegal in the UK since 1985, despite the appalling scale of the abuse, there has not been a single conviction for this terrible betrayal of a child’s love and trust in her parents.

Meanwhile the broadsheets, led by The Telegraph, report that Michael Fallon, the Defence Secretary barely suppresses his anger when he talks about criminal investigations into alleged abuse in Iraq and Afghanistan by British troops. He has pledged to provide legal support to servicemen under investigation, but omits the rather obvious point that it is his ministry which funds these enquiries with taxpayers money (expected to exceed £57m by 2019).

Not a single case has been brought to trial much less resulted in a conviction but instead of shutting it down Mr Fallon hides behind European Human Rights laws and extends the remit of the investigation. Meanwhile, not a single one of our European partners in NATO feels the need to hold enquiries of similar scale into the actions of its military in Iraq and Afghanistan. Mr Fallon’s failure to act decisively is another example of what David Cameron described elsewhere in the news as his ‘lily livered cabinet colleagues’ failing to confront their ministerial responsibilities.

But I have a radical idea. Why not divert the funds and the investigators talents to an issue where a terrible injustice is being perpetrated against children, where there is irrefutable evidence of abuse and where an investigation is urgently needed to eradicate the illegal practice of female genital mutilation. Even Mr Fallon can agree that defending the innocence of children is a better use of resources.

A JOURNEY OF LOVE, SERVICE AND ADVENTURE. EXCELLENT!

A MODERN WARFARE LITERARY CLASSIC! OUTSTANDING READ.

ENTERTAINING, THOUGHT-PROVOKING AND COMPULSORY TO READ.

What others are saying about SPIN ZHIRA

Spin Zhira

A moment that changed my life forever

September 24, 2016 chrisdsgreen Leave a comment

On 24 September 2012 at 3.30pm, after nine long months in Helmand, I was finally reunited with my children, Harry and Alfie. It was an unforgettable moment of realisation that changed my life forever.

‘AS I HURRY from my train at London Bridge station I glance at my Citizen Divers watch, my constant companion of the last 20 years.

I don’t want to be late for this appointment.

I notice that the black canvas military strap I fitted before departing for Afghan is caked in Helmand Province. Until this moment I’ve been oblivious to this but it’s impossible to miss against the cuff of the white dress shirt I’m wearing under my velvet blazer.

Save for my watch, I’m in full civilian mode, completely invisible amongst the multitude of commuters who criss‑cross the station’s concourse. Except, perhaps, that where they stride with confidence and purpose along unseen tramlines of relentless repetition my own trajectory is less certain. I’m an untethered element cast adrift in the throng.

I make my faltering way to the exit on London Bridge Street where The Shard towers above the railway lines that inspired it. The vast obelisk of glass and steel is a monument to a world of consumerism and excess that I turned my back on, but which I’ve been fighting to protect.

The irony is lost on me. At any moment two beautiful boys will appear at the station entrance and I’m straining to catch my first glimpse of them in the crowd.

Jane and I have been unable to agree on a reunion prior to this moment. Harry and Alfie are not waiting for the plane to touch down at RAF Brize Norton as I’d often daydreamed they might be. Nor are they present when our coach is mobbed by excited families as it swings onto the parade square at Lille Barracks in Aldershot – the start and end point of my Afghan Adventure.

I’ve been a forlorn bystander as colleagues push past me to embrace their partners or bundle their delighted children into their arms. Banners, balloons and even cakes are exchanged along with a multitude of kisses. Some affectionate, some passionate, some X‑rated, but all of them heartfelt. Alone in this welter of excitement, I make my way through the happy throng and head disconsolately towards the camp exit. It dawns on me that I don’t know where I’m going.

I keep walking.

As part of my mandatory ‘decompression’ programme I’m required to spend the next 48 hours on the base. But there’s no accommodation for me. Eventually I’m quartered in a condemned block that is awaiting demolition in another part of the garrison. It is eerily silent, cold and gloomy and matches my mood perfectly.

General George Patton warned that Glory is fleeting. This doesn’t feel like an especially warm welcome from a grateful nation.

In the end it is my sister, Edwina who comes to the rescue. As soon as I’m released from my military bonds of service she takes a day off work to travel to York and collect the boys. We’re in constant contact throughout our respective journeys and so, by accident rather than design, our rendezvous is a railway station. I can’t think of a better location for a reunion.

I catch a glimpse of Harry weaving through the crowd a split second before he’s airborne and hurtling towards me at speed. I have just time to catch him in my arms but not quite enough time to stay on my feet. I go down hard, but the cold stone platform is a feather bed in the joy of that moment. Alfie is only a few paces behind his brother and with a glorious cry of BUNDLE! jumps knees first onto my chest.

We roll around on the floor for a while, just as we’d done on the lawns of Gooseberry Hall five months earlier, oblivious to the commuters who step around and over us. My wonderful sister, who has made it all possible, stands back and allows us to revel in the occasion.

The journey that started at the MOB Price helipad six days and 4,457 miles earlier is finally over.

I’m home at last.

In the years before I became disillusioned with my life of comfortable consumerism I would wake at 5.15am each workday morning in order to fund our pointlessly extravagant existence. In those days Harry and Alfie would often sleep in our bed and I would lie in the dark for a few minutes, enjoying the warmth of my family beside me. It increasingly became the highlight of my day and I wondered why I needed such a large house and quite so many belongings when everything in the world that actually mattered fitted comfortably within the precinct of our double bed.

As Harry and Alfie turn me black and blue with their love on the station concourse, I realise I’ve been right all along to exchange possessions for experiences. I haven’t missed my designer clothes, my trophy house or my luxury goods even once.

Being reunited with my children, on the other hand, is an unforgettable moment that I will treasure for eternity.’

A JOURNEY OF LOVE, SERVICE AND ADVENTURE. EXCELLENT!

A MODERN WARFARE LITERARY CLASSIC! OUTSTANDING READ.

ENTERTAINING, THOUGHT-PROVOKING AND COMPULSORY TO READ.

What others are saying about SPIN ZHIRA

Spin Zhira

Afghan veterans face war crime claims

September 23, 2016 chrisdsgreen Leave a comment

The Telegraph reports that the Ministry of Defence has extended the remit of the Iraq Historic Allegations Team (IHAT) to include investigation into alleged abuse in Afghanistan.

In addition to the 1,500 Iraqi cases already under investigation a further 550 alleged Afghan war crimes have been added to the IHAT caseload.

As Johnny Mercer MP has already pointed out this implies a ‘total breakdown of law and order on an unprecedented scale across the British Army’, which is a complete fantasy.

As Iraq cases begin to dry up without a single successful conviction, extending the investigation to Afghanistan preserves the gravy train for the IHAT investigators for a few more years. But I sense a darker motive for squandering taxpayers money and causing unnecessary misery for those individuals and their families who have been accused of wrongdoing.

Investigating individual allegations of abuse deflects the spotlight away from the strategic failure of the Iraq and Afghan campaigns. This sits squarely with the policy makers and doctrine writers at the Ministry of Defence and the Foreign Office who sanctioned the tactics of drone strikes, kill/capture missions and detention without charge or access to legal representation, sometimes on the flimsiest of evidence.

For the most part, British soldiers carried themselves with great dignity and showed incredible courage and restraint. It is the flawed counter-insurgency doctrine and strategy that has thrown the Middle East into chaos and caused untold misery and suffering that needs to be investigated.

A JOURNEY OF LOVE, SERVICE AND ADVENTURE. EXCELLENT!

A MODERN WARFARE LITERARY CLASSIC! OUTSTANDING READ.

ENTERTAINING, THOUGHT-PROVOKING AND COMPULSORY TO READ.

What others are saying about SPIN ZHIRA

Spin Zhira, Uncategorized

SAS ROGUE HEROES

September 22, 2016 chrisdsgreen 1 Comment

A new book, Rogue Heroes by Ben MacIntyre, is published today charting the early days of the Special Air Service.

It reveals how the organisation, which has been shrouded in mystery since its inception in 1941, survived numerous ‘cock-ups’ and obstruction from the army’s upper echelons to become the world-renowned force it is today.

It also reveals that many of its secretive missions behind enemy lines included, in the words of its founder, David Stirling ‘executions in cold blood’.

It seems that little has changed since those early days except that the modern SAS now enjoys the patronage of politicians and senior officers, seduced by raw courage, bravery and ruthless efficiency:

‘Towards the end of our tour a night raid in Rahim, conducted by a joint SAS and Afghan Special Forces team (TF196), resulted in three brothers being gunned down in their compound in front of their wives and children.

Again I found myself in conflict with British Tier One Special Forces. TF196 insisted the men were insurgents, but this claim seemed highly improbable to me. The brothers’ compound was just a short distance from one of our patrol bases and any suspicious activity would almost certainly have come to our attention. Our own J2 Shop had nothing on the men. The general consensus from our analysts was that the SAS, while ruthlessly efficient as always, had directed their special talents against the wrong targets.

When I challenged a TF196 spokesman on their version of events he played their top secret joker once more. Speaking to me by phone from an undisclosed location he said the information was classified. As a known Taliban‑loving apologist and mere part‑time soldier I could not be trusted and had no authority to contradict elite tier one special forces. A short while later I received another telephone call from the charming colonel in Task Force Helmand (TFH) ordering me to drop my line of enquiry. Although he remained amiable I detected a hardening in his tone.

The TFH top brass had silenced me, but the Rahim ‘spin zhiras’ remained determinedly voluble on the subject. They steadfastly maintained the brothers’ innocence and were outraged at the brutal executions in front of the victims’ families. Emissaries were despatched to the patrol base threatening retaliation and demanding an apology and blood money for the relatives. The PB Commander was bitterly angry that the raid had gone ahead without his knowledge, destroying the work his own men had done over the previous six months to marginalise the Taliban and protect the population from insurgent violence.

Shortly after we completed our tour the Rahim patrol base was abandoned and Afghan National Security Forces ceded control of the area to the Taliban. Perhaps these events were not linked to the slaying of the supposed insurgents but, given the long memories of our Afghan hosts, this seemed unlikely to me. Our actions had done nothing to strengthen the legitimacy of the GIRoA government as the Petreus COIN Field Manual had directed.

Spin Zhira

GREEN LINES

September 21, 2016 chrisdsgreen Leave a comment

Army Sergeant Major Glenn Haughton, the senior non-commissioned officer in the British Army has recently published a set of six ‘Green Lines’. He describes them, not as a code or test but ‘the lines that I try and live by every single day’.

Glenn was the “Sarn’t Major” in Afghanistan, a man I feared and respected in equal measure.

I see from his lines that it must be from him that I developed a deep mistrust for any man in uniform whose appearance might indicate an inability to meet mandated fitness requirements:

‘TEN MONTHS AFTER returning from Afghanistan I attended an Armed Forces Day parade at which I found myself standing next to two hugely overweight TA captains from another unit. To me they looked ridiculous, bulging out of their uniforms, Sam Browne belts straining to contain enormous bellies, rolls of fat flowing over their shirt collars. By this time I’d been conditioned by the Grenadiers to take an instant dislike to any man in uniform whose appearance might indicate an inability to meet mandated fitness requirements. These two were so vast they would struggle to find Taliban Hunting Club t‑shirts in their XXXXL size.

Given the occasion, and in the interests of inter‑unit cohesion, I bit my tongue and introduced myself. Ignoring my rank seniority they looked me up and down and resumed their conversation. Standing beside them I could not help but overhear their discussion. Unchecked by my presence they were making offensive and deeply critical comments about a female senior officer who was leading their unit’s marching contingent. It was clear they both felt that a ‘lumpy jumper’ was not up to this task and that they could do a better job themselves. Since they were not only obese but also overtly and crudely sexist, I was unable to resist the invitation I felt they’d just given me. I interrupted them, asking which part of the HQLF directive on physical fitness they had failed to understand.

They looked at me blankly.

“Come on fellas”, I said. “Take a look at yourselves. When was the last time you pulled on a pair of shorts and went for a run? No one’s going to let you lead a parade while you both look like Mister fucking Blobby.”

Both men wore Afghanistan medals, along with a clutch of others that indicated many years service in the reserves. For all I knew they performed some vital role, repairing shattered lives in the Bastion hospital perhaps. It was possible they had once been flat-bellied, steely eyed killers who had let themselves go – although this really was stretching credulity. I should certainly have exercised better judgement myself, admonishing them for their inappropriate comments rather than countering with a few of my own, but HQLF is right. Physical fitness is an indispensable aspect of leadership. These two, however crucial their individual efforts were in the defence of the realm, had long ago relinquished the right to lead or command soldiers, even on a public parade in central London, let alone anywhere near the sharp end of British foreign policy.

Their stunned reaction to my outburst was to be short‑lived. I observed them a couple of hours later merrily stuffing their faces at the buffet lunch laid on by the local authority to celebrate the ‘outstanding contribution made by our Armed Forces’. I knew I was a victim of my own prejudice, just as they were of theirs, but I couldn’t help but feel resentment that these two were cashing in on the heroism of others. I uncharitably reckoned that their outstanding contribution had most likely been to Pizza Hut revenues at Camp Bastion.

Later that day, as a media trained officer I was tasked to give a television interview to Ria Chatterjee for ITV London. Ria is a very attractive young woman and I was a little distracted by her beauty. I stumbled through a series of rambling responses to her questions, full of ‘ums’ and ‘ers’, all of which I knew would be unusable in the two minute segment she was preparing. Concealing her frustration at the incompetent spokesperson with whom she’d been saddled, Ria eventually asked me why Armed Forces Day should be important to the people of London. I told her it was an opportunity to show some solidarity with the men and women of the armed forces – who put themselves in harm’s way to keep others safe. It wasn’t a perfect delivery but it was a good enough answer and Ria used it to close out her report.

Even as I spoke the words I couldn’t find it in myself to apply them to the two chauvinist Blobby’s gorging themselves in the marquee behind me.’

Spin Zhira

Johnny Mercer MP: Forces Champion

September 19, 2016 chrisdsgreen 3 Comments

Writing in The Telegraph, Johnny Mercer MP reveals a terrible betrayal of our servicemen and women by the Ministry of Defence, the organisation that claims to support them.

He refers to the Iraq Historic Allegations Team (IHAT) a £5m/year gravy train for ex-coppers set up by the Ministry of Defence to investigate allegations of abuse, torture and murder of Iraqis by British servicemen. Currently there are some 1,500 on-going investigations, which as Johnny rightly points out, would imply ‘a total breakdown of law and order on an unprecedented scale across the British Army in Iraq’. It doesn’t take more than two brain cells to see that an investigation of this scale is totally disproportionate.

However, even in war, soldiers are not above the law. Discipline and standards are maintained on the battlefield through strict adherence to the Law of Armed Conflict. Consequently, it comes as little surprise to me that, even after such a thorough review of alleged abuse, not a single IHAT case has been brought to trial or resulted in a successful conviction.

Inexplicably, instead of winding down the IHAT investigation and celebrating the quality of its men and women, the Ministry prefers to keep the gravy train running and soldiers now find they are subject to a second and in some cases even a third investigation. Squandering taxpayers money and causing unnecessary misery for those involved.

Spin Zhira

The Ministry of Defence: A listening organisation

September 18, 2016 chrisdsgreen 1 Comment

The Ministry of Defence never ceases to amaze.

In response to a leaked memo in which General Sir Richard Barrons outlines his concerns that the UK is ill-prepared to defend against a serious military attack a defence source suggested this was ‘sour grapes‘ after Sir Richard was turned down for promotion to head of the armed forces.

When Deborah Haynes revealed in The Times that the MoD had published the details of every regular officer, reservist officer and university trainee on a government website it refused to remove the list, insisting that ‘the security of our people is our foremost concern’.

When fat cat, Sir Bernard Grey was awarded a £60,000 ‘non-competitive’ deal to conduct a performance review on himself, an MoD spokesperson stated this would ‘provide best value for money’.

When an unfavourable report submitted to the MoD recommended an urgent review of its £440 million contract with Capita because it was failing in its recruitment mission the ministry responded by stating ‘action has been taken’.

When the Defence Select Committee lambasted the MoD for continuing to issue anti-malarial drug, Lariam to troops stating it should be used only as the drug of last resort, the MoD responded: ‘We have a duty to protect our personnel from malaria and we welcome the committee’s conclusion that, in some cases, Lariam will be the most effective way of doing that.’

When General Sir Richard Shirreff, the former deputy supreme allied commander in Europe (DSACEUR) expressed his opinion that cuts in UK defences were ‘a hell of a gamble‘ the MoD’s response was to state: ‘This guy has made a series of outlandish claims over the years. He’s trying to sell a book, so you have to expect such outbursts.’

On its website the Ministry of Defence claims to be a listening organisation. I leave you to draw your own conclusion.

Spin Zhira

AppleWatch revives ancient art form

September 16, 2016 chrisdsgreen Leave a comment

The sketch feature on the AppleWatch has resulted in the unexpected resurgence of an art form dating back to the Ice Age about 28,000 years ago.

Sam Roberts @notsam explains:

Phallic observance of this nature was widespread in Afghanistan:

DURING THE FEW days I’d been away, I discovered that in my absence someone had ‘cocked’ the notepad I’d been foolish enough to leave in plain sight on my desk.

Cocking was an obsession in the headquarters, a symptom of the sexual repression under which we all laboured. Both British and Danish commands imposed a strict no sex rule which, for the most part, was observed.

This was not the result of a commendable adherence to military discipline. Had an opportunity to engage in sexual congress presented itself I’m pretty certain that most of my colleagues, like me, would have set aside all considerations of military discipline and good order – but opportunity did not present.

For men at their sexual peak – and even for those of us who had already passed that particular milestone – this enforced abstinence inevitably had its frustrations which were expressed in a number of ways. Cocking was one of them.

As far as I am aware this is an exclusively male obsession and involves the covert drawing of phallic imagery. This is nothing new of course. Such representations have been found dating back to the Ice Age around 28,000 years ago, and appear in many ancient cultures and religions. But the art reached new heights in MOB Price. Penis imagery would mysteriously appear on notebooks, notice boards, signage, PowerPoint presentations and operational staff work. An unusual geographical feature to the north‑east of PB Clifton was even referred to on our maps as ‘cock and balls’.

On one occasion I attended a packed briefing session in which a senior officer scribbled a note intended for Colonel James, who was sitting across the room, and handed it to the man next to him to pass down the table. By the time it reached its destination it had passed through the hands of a dozen or so officers and warrant officers, many of whom had surreptitiously cocked it. Although it was impossible to overlook the images with which it was now adorned, Colonel James accepted the note without so much as a raised eyebrow.

Back in civvy street, probably even back in barracks in the UK, Victorian prudishness and political correctness would not have tolerated phallic observance of this nature. HR departments would be called in, enquiries held, perpetrators reprimanded or even sacked. But in MOB Price phallophoric celebration of the Lingam, and to a lesser extent the Yoni, went unchecked.